I (32M/NB) have recently met an amazing person (24F). After 4 years of being single, I finally met someone who pushes almost all of the right buttons. I'll try to keep this short (EDIT: I failed, and a TLDR just doesn't cover it).

We met as friends and both expressed that we were polyam. She has a boyfriend of 2 years. Out of the blue, we could not contain our excitement for eachother and began seeing eachother often (2-3 times per week). At one point she tells me her boyfriend did not want to know who she is seeing, as it is painful for him. I expressed how I didn't think that seemed very durable - but I though, well that is between them. Fast forward to last thursday, when me and her went to see a theatre performance and had an amazing time. On the train home, she sees someone she knows and goes over to say hi. When the person leaves the train, she tells me it was her boyfriends mother and she seemed somewhat distressed. On our way home, I am trying to figure out how to feel about this - it wasn't great, but I needed to know more.

She tells me that she feels bad about sneaking around behind his back and that she is being unfaithful with me - so it becomes obvious that something in their communication is not clear. She continues to tell me that their relationship started as an open relationship - so te me it seems like a grey zone. Her boyfriend has recently expressed he wants to close it - which she seems to not want, but has stayed indecisive as it has not led her to end it. I expressed again, how I felt it seemed like they had some stuff to figure out and that I was not okay with this situation, and that I believe she should be honest with him and tell him. I personally have a hard time understanding how their relationship would work. I said I didn't think we should be intimate, but after talking for one hour we ended up having really nice sex. Yes, I know... In this conversation she also said some contradictory things like... the best thing to do would be to not see me, but that she actually wants to be with me. It made me feel really good, but I wasn't able to reciprocate it verbally. I am at a point in life where I am really craving longer term and safe relationships.

I had to let it all sink in, and we met again last sunday. I expressed to her, that I had though about it and that I also want to be with her. She replied with saying "I don't see that happening". For context, I will be moving abroad for 7 months, so I obviously get that "being together" is a silly thing to want right now. Still, it was unpleasant to hear. The conversation developed with her stating that she wants to see me less, because it is moving quite fast and said she can't believe how well we fit together. I told her I didn't think that made any sense, and I'm not sure how much she believed that herself. She did express that she still wants to see me, but that she wants things to go a bit slower. I truly respect that, even though it did make me feel sad.

Since, I have been quite melancholic. In times like this, I experience exhaustion from dating - because I don't enjoy the dating rollercoaster. I look forward to meeting someone I can create a long term partnership with.

I will see her again on sunday and I feel like I am at an impasse. My heart does not want it to end, but my intuition is telling me to take some distance and "move on" and just be friends, but reserve the openness for the situation to change. It feels like the timing is not right just now. Her muddy situation prevents me from fully relaxing in our connection - it doesn't feel fully safe. However, the connetion we has felt so special I want it to continue. I have not said it yet, but I frequently feel the urge to tell her I am in love with her. She has expressed wanting to visit me abroad, and we both agreed that if our connection was real - it would be there when I came back. Anyway, I have not made any decisive decisions and accept that I cannot control this situation. I trust that whatever will hapen on sunday is what needs to happen.

Am I missing anything? How would you move forward and how do you believe I should move forward?