I (28m) have been in a monogamous relationship for going on 6 years now with my partner (31f). When we started dating, I was a virgin with very little experience in social interactions, not just romantic or sexual interactions (I have even less experience with those.)

My partner has always been open to me about her desires, and recently the topic has come up again of opening the relationship. In the past, it was discussed but nothing was ever pursued, but now she is being more explicit with her expectations for the future. I am unsure how to feel about this.

My childhood wasn't terrible, but I did grow up very socially isolated, with my parents both working full time to support the family. I have done a lot of research and self-reflection, and have learned that I have a generally anxious attachment style related to this childhood. In plain words, I never really had any friends, and the friends I did have always felt like they were closer to each other than to me. I don't begrudge them this, I simply want for a close connection like that.

My partner and I are struggling. She is a very independent person, without any real desire for affectionate touch (this stems from her childhood with an abusive mother), which conflicts with my intense need for physical touch. We satisfy each other very well sexually.

I have, in the past, let my insecurity cause me to lash out in jealousy of my partner and her friends. She's largely cut contact with her friends, which is a regret I carry constantly.

I am open to the idea of casual sex with different people, partly because I know it will make her happier in the relationship, but also because I feel like there are experiences in life that I simply haven't had, and would like to.

My apprehension comes from the idea that, due to my generally awkward social behavior and extreme introversion, she will have an easier time finding a partner, and I will end up feeling like a third wheel.

I recognize that a large amount of my concerns stem from my own insecurities in not feeling "worth it" to have as a friend or lover, but I can't afford therapy, and working through these feelings is difficult. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even a person, with how awkward social interactions can get. I say weird things, or rude things, or suddenly change topics (there is a connection, that I can follow, but when I explain how I got from thought A to thought B I tend to get weird looks).

I'm not sure if I've given enough details, or the right details, so please feel free to ask any questions. I really want to do all I can to make this relationship happier for her and for me, I just don't know what I'm doing.