It’s very interesting- many of the books I’ve read and people I’ve talked to seem to view NM relationships as temporary whether it be with a primary or rotating secondary and tertiary partners. It feels that nothing is permanent the way the understanding of a monogamous relationship is permanent.
I know that this will probably be an unpopular opinion, but it feels like NM relationships aren’t meant to last for the long haul. I know people who have lasted in NM situations for 12 years or so, but every one of them (including so-called guru authors on the subject) are either now single or just have a rotating group of partners every few years.
This seems to be like an excruciating amount of work and emotional management and effort for what seems like the promise of heartbreak over and over again.
Admittedly I am here to learn more about NM and am more mono leaning, but the constant questioning of feelings, untrustworthy behavior, unknowns and risks of health and heart is exhausting.
Yes, I know that all relationships have that heartbreak potential but it seems like a guarantee with NM. Am I alone?
I wonder if being mono with a person till it stops working then separating then finding another mono partner and being with them till it stops working, etc would be easier than trying to manage NM relationships?
in the first example there are just two people involved and it would seem less opportunity for jealousy to be as strong as in nm.
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The promise of nm is amazing - maintaining a loving, safe, intimate and emotional connection with a primary partner, but be able to enjoy the freedom and adventure of sex with others. The problem is making this actually work is often quite hard and nearly impossible for those who cannot overcome jealousy issues.