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Hi everyone - just one final update here.

We tried our best but unfortunately, it has not worked out. I haven’t been able to get past it.

There is no trust there anymore. There’s fondness, but I don’t know if I can even call it love any more. She’s pretty devastated, which I don’t take any pleasure in. At least I’m doing a pretty decent job of letting go of the anger, therapy has helped a lot for that.

Maybe if it was just our relationship impacted we might have been able to make it work, but it’s had a ruinous effect on a number of other relationships as well, and an impact on my life beyond just my marriage. Among other things, she had sought out and slept with a couple of close friends and a work subordinate of mine. Those friendships (which I’ve had for decades) are now over, and that person at work has been let go. All of it is having knock-on effects on other parts of my personal and work life. It’s not something I can get over.

The separation and divorce will at least be amicable. We won’t be battling it out in the courts, we’ve already agreed on a division of assets that we both agree is fair (luckily neither of us has had to rely financially on the other while we’ve been together). I’ve decided that after the divorce is finalized, I’ll have no more contact with her whatsoever, I need a clean break.

One silver lining is that I’ve been able to meet back up with a couple of my partners from before and had a grand old time. I made the mistake of saying, genuinely and with no bad intention, that at least now she can meet back up with the other guy again. She didn’t take that the way I meant it and thought I was having a dig at her and we had a big fight but then it smoothed over.

In any event, it’s on to the next adventure now. May enjoy single life for a while - I’ve still got a good chunk of my youth left and fortunately I still look like it. I’ll take my wins whenever I can get them. I’m in mourning but also excited about what life has in store - one major thing is that she never wanted to be a parent, and I did before we got married. The prospect of fatherhood is open to me again and that’s really life-affirming. Onward and upwards.