I (44F) have a LDAP (48M) who I see every month or two for some phenomenal sex and we have a strong mental/emotional connection that has developed over time. He identifies himself as single poly, although has a local primary woman (31F) who is aware of his poly preferences and they are fluid bonded (this does make me a bit jealous, I hate to admit). Anyway, he asked me early on if I wanted to know/not know stuff and I said I don’t really want to hear by details about their relationship, but I’m aware and completely fine with it. The problem is, I think his definition of sharing details is different than mine…which means he has shared stuff about them that I really do not want to hear in the limited time I am together with him. Examples… - we were discussing how many times we did it in a 48 hour period and then he told me how many times they did it in a 24 hour period - I did something with him during sex that was mind blowing, so he goes “ohhhh I’ll have to tell 31F to do this.” That happened a couple of times. - we were discussing orgasm with or without clitoral stim and he told me 31F can orgasm with just penetration - we were cuddling and having some PDA out and he told me that’s how it is with 31F and their friends make fun of them - told me about a time she told him to give her anal bc she was so sore -he is usually very good about putting the phone aside when we are together, but we were looking for directions and she texted him that she was about to trip on mushrooms with her friends and was going to be horny and wished she was cuddling with him…and he wrote her back (I looked the other way, but he announced what she had texted and was discussing it in relation to describing shrooms bc I don’t do drugs)

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Maybe just some validation that these are details that are reasonable not to want to hear. These comments kind of make me feel like I’m being compared a lot in the moment, and I also feel like I’m being used as a way to give them better sex tips 😂 which I’m sure happens in these situations but I don’t really want to hear about it. I’d like our time together to be a little escape from reality I guess. I also admittedly feel insecure wit my age difference compared to her and that she is blonde and I know he had a thing for blondes (I am obv not).

I’ve been not encouraging the conversation when he says these things, but now I feel awkward to say I don’t like them bc I ignored them for so long. Any advice on how to bring this up and what exactly to say?!