My girlfriend (F29) of 6 months and I (M28) are currently in a semi-open relationship. She is bisexual and has had plenty of experience with men and women and groups. She was honest with me about that at the beginning of our relationship, and even wanted our relationship to be open to women, but only together. We’ve never ventured down that path, but we’ve both been open to it.
After a bit of a rocky patch, where she was hyper critical and even mean to me at times for unrelated reasons, she has suggested a fully open relationship. That means she would have guys on the side, and she wants me to have girls on the side.
I was clear at the beginning that I wouldn’t be okay with her being with another guy because I’m afraid it would break my heart and I would never be able to look at her the same.
If I don’t agree to it, the relationship ends and my heart is shattered. If I do agree, then it could go well, or it could go horribly and traumatize me. I’m scared and don’t know what to do.
Has anyone else experienced this? What advance do you have for me?
While this is true, OP has been presented with a "my way or the highway" ultimatum. There is not much nuance to that either!
Please watch this short video. She does an excellent job of explaining the situation where one partner is mono-centric and the other is poly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfRnF7xI1Zg&ab\_channel=BoldlyGrow
I agree this does sound like a PUD situation. I am trying to be more optimistic about successful nm relationships. The youtube presenter seems fairly even-handed about the benefits and difficulties of mono-poly relationships.
I see a lot of red flags but am trying to be more nm positive where possible
It does not seem from the info we have that she ever gave a mono commitment. OP knew she was nm. Now he has to decide if he wants to embark on what sounds like will be a difficult emotional journey if he wishes to stay with her.
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You need to be very honest with yourself if this is something you can be comfortable with - knowing that having other men or at least the option will always be the most important thing to her.