Long post ahead. Sharing my experience so far. I’ve found reading other peoples perspective to be helpful to sharing my own.

TLDR - Hotwife fantasy turned into more, different, better for us.

Background: my wife and I have been together for 18 years, most of them married. Bunch of kids. Early 40s. Deeply madly in love with each other. My wife was always beautiful but has aged extremely well and is one of the better looking 40-something’s out there. Always been experimental with sex. We each had plenty of partners before meeting each other. Generally always a healthy sex life/activity level. A few rough spots here and there but that happens in a long marriage with a bunch of kids.

The setup: I’d mentioned the hotwife thing a bit. She was never into it. Said she didn’t want to. Also said part of it was potential for drama. It came up occasionally when she’d get hit on or propositioned but for the most part I dropped it.

How it started: 6 months ago she was on a business trip and reconnected with a guy she’d met about a year earlier. Their personalities had clicked when they first met, but on this business trip he made a pass at her. She called me and asked if I was still into it and if I still wanted her to. I said yeah of course, have fun and tell me all about it. That night was torture. Excitement. Anxiety. Heartbreak. Fear. I was not prepared for it. But she got home the next evening. I let her sleep all evening and then she woke up around 10PM and we went through every detail and then reconnected.

Aftermath: Storm of emotions. Over the course of the next couple of months I waffled and flipped out and got excited and withdrew a bunch. The thing I wasn’t prepared for was the emotional connection. My wife is not a one night stand type of person and she’s attracted more to personality than body. She and dude had clicked personality wise when they met but had spent a lot of time together on the trip and REALLY clicked. I’ll fast forward to say we’ve moved into more of a hybrid HW/ENM/Poly type thing. I’ve met and talked to the guy. He’s married with kids. ENM/Open marriage. Lives 45 minutes from us. He’s pretty great. Looks like me. Similar personality. Makes sense my wife likes him. They have not done anything sexual since but continue to date. It’s a long story but they decided he needed to work on his marriage a bit before they resumed any sexual activity. They talk daily and see each other a few times a month.

Results: Our marriage was great before but now it’s amazing. Our sex life was great before but now it’s amazing. I was attracted to my wife before but I’ve rediscovered just how hot and beautiful and amazing she is. My wife feels much more attractive. Completely understandably she has admitted when I would tell her she’s beautiful or that her body drives me crazy that she felt a strong sense of “he has to say that cause this is the body that birthed his bunch of kids”, but to have an outsider say those things to her hits different. I’m happy for her.

But wait, it’s not all sunshine and roses: I still have pangs of doubt and jealousy. Our marriage is great and we’re strong. But how I make her feel is different than how he does. It’s almost entirely because he’s new and exciting. She very much desires me. She also desires him. I believe her that one does not lessen the other. Just hard to always remember that.

*Final thoughts: * Excited for what we’ve got going on. The benefits to my marriage have been amazing. We are head over heels for each other. Often, nearly daily, we just stare into each others eyes. We communicate completely now. Things that used to go unsaid are said. He treats her well. It doesn’t take away from anything we have, and if anything it adds

On my end I’m not seeing anyone. My wife is open to it. I’ve got a few other projects going on occupying my extra time, so for now I’m good but perhaps in the future. Enjoying experiencing it through my wife.