Trying to see if anyone has better recommendations for my situation. I want to find better places in Southern California to meet ENM people in person (but not poly) as a masculine non-binary person.

Explanation: My partner is not comfortable with me having a particularly deep emotional connection with other partners. So I feel out of place at poly events as most are looking for more connection than I can offer. I can't really attend swinger type events as I am too masculine and "single males" aren't usually admitted. Plus that's probably too impersonal for me if I haven't even met before a sex event.

I am attractive, respectful of boundaries and consent, good in bed, etc. I have been on a number of dates, but I consistently match with demi poly people and we just don't get close enough for them to feel comfortable taking stuff to the bedroom. We remain friends and they tell me I am attractive, we do bdsm together, but not sex. So I don't think I am doing anything particularly wrong. I am getting frustrated with these limbo state situations and using up these people's time when neither of us are fully getting what we are looking for.

I feel like I am just in the wrong circles. I want to find a better place to hang out in person that are more comfortable with being friends and having casual sex. When I was in the Canada kink scene this was common scenario, casual bdsm and sex with friends. Here in Los Angeles sex is quite separate from bdsm and sexual kink play is very sparse. It's kind of weirdly prudish, which feels like an inappropriate term for people that I am around while they are tied up naked getting spanked.