Me and my partner and I have opposite views on whether we want to hear about each other's experiences with other people, and I'm struggling to understand why she feels the way she feels. I would prefer to know everything and share everything with her - not because I want to 'monitor' her or anything but it feels like second nature to share my life with her and hear about her's, including dating other people.

She would prefer not to know anything until I 'like someone' / want to see them regularly etc. If I'm going on a date and she asks to hang out she would prefer I just leave it ambiguous and said I'm 'busy', not explicitly say I'm going on a date. To me, this just feels like we are going to be forced to overtly lie to each other, or at best hide and withhold - why would I want to hide my life from my partner?

It would drive me nuts and feel borderline like a lie if she says something ambiguous instead of just being straightforward that she's going on a date.

Part of the appeal of nonmonogamy for me is if my partner is excited about a new person, I want to get excited with her and vice versa! I want to be able to share everything about my life with her, and it seems obvious that would include dating experiences.

If i didn't want to her about her dating experiences with others, I'm not sure I would be so open to ENM.

We've loosely settled on don't tell each other until we like someone / are seeing someone regularly. I think there is space for us to compromise and meet in the middle, but I'm struggling to wrap my head around her way of thinking as to me it seems to antithetical to partnership and intimacy. Or are we just incompatible?

Edit: I'm in no way trying to force her into anything she's uncomfortable with, and would obviously respect her boundary and not forcibly share things she doesn't want to know. I'm in no way looking for super specific or explicit details or anything, just high level.