I’ve (22M Gay) been in a relationship with J (22M Bi) for just over a year. He said around the 6 month mark that his ideal long term relationship with someone would be an open one. I did some reading and we did some chatting and we’ve gotten to a place where we have now very recently opened up our relationship. It’s been small steps (mainly for me as I work through personal insecurities and jealousy while he doesn’t seem to have an issue with these feelings).

Last night, J met up with his ex, M (22F). They were loosely together on and off before him and I got together. I don’t know very much because J isn’t one for sharing his past relationships and I never really cared (until now) but as I understand it, she wanted a lot more than he did and she didn’t take the rejection well. There was a lot of hurt but she and him kept in touch but only via infrequent text/Instagram memes/she made him playlists.

They met up at a bar last night before going back to his place and talking until 4 in the morning whilst also hooking up (non-penetrative). He’s been very honest with details and telling me (over text) what happened.

However part of me can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling of his going straight back to an ex who he was on and off again with for what I think was almost 2 years. It’s brought up a lot of anxiety for me but I’m not entirely sure what about.

Is this a red flag? Am I just being jealous? I’d appreciate some advice, particularly for a MSM relationship opening up. This is my first ENM relationship and I’m always trying to learn from other peoples experiences.

Other things that may be relevant: - he never mentioned me to her until they met up at the bar last night. - M is the first person J has been sexual with (other than me) besides a threesome we had once recently. - I have made out with one (1) guy and once engaged in non-penetrative intercourse with another since opening my relationship with J. J met both these guys before anything happened and I only knew them from a university class I take once a month. I knew these guys less than a month. - We are open but not poly.