An attractive woman walked onto the lot of a large auto dealership. The kind of dealership that sells all the best makes and models. She was approached by a dealer who encouraged her to walk the lot and see which vehicles she connected with.

The woman walked up and down the isles. Some cars she walked past, others she sat in, and a few she test drove. Finally she found a vehicle that she really connected with. She started to imagine herself driving to and from work in the powerful machine. I’m her mind she saw herself behind the wheel feeling proud, excited and comfortable. She imagined taking the vehicle home and knew exactly where it would sit in her garage. As these images began to get stronger in her mind she found herself wanting this vehicle in her life.

Soon she was sitting in the dealers office ready to sign the deal. It was at that moment that she learned she could never own this vehicle. The dealer explained that unlike most of the other vehicles on the lot, her dream ride was not for sale, but rather for lease.

Now the woman had never in her life considered a lease. And in fact she had heard bad things about leases. However the dealer explained all the benefits of the lease. The dealership would retain ownership, handle all the maintenance and assume all the wear and tear. The woman on the other hand would enjoy all the benefits and good feelings of driving the vehicle, and understand that she could return it whenever she chose. The woman signed the lease and left the dealership happy and excited.

If you were to ask her earlier that day if she would have ever considered leasing a vehicle she would have emphatically said no. However, once she saw herself driving the dream machine, she was more than willing to agree to the terms of the lease.

Now some people say you should be upfront about non monogamy when meeting someone new, but consider how much easier it will be to invite someone into a non monogamous relationship after they are already so attracted to you that they have imagined what it would be like to have you in their life. Because once they’re already attracted, they’ll be much more willing to share. So focus on attraction and connection first. Then the “talk” will be much easier later.

Not a perfect analogy but this approach has led me to many meaningful relationships with some of my favorite people. And every one of these beauties would have walked away if I led the interaction with the non monogamy talk. Not suggesting you purposely mislead anyone but consider the timing of when you reveal that your already under contract.