I don't know what to do. We had log talks about how her last relationship made me anxious and insecure, and she agreed on (more than this, she's the one that proposed it!) Quitting having romantic relationships for a while. Then, when I had an anxiety crisis when she told me she wanted to go out with someone, she proposed we gave non monogamy a time until I got better. She told me that it didn't matter that we don't have sex with other people, that all she wanted was to be with me and make me feel better.

And yesterday she told me she had talked to her friend about dating her long distance. She said she thought it was a good time for that, that I looked better. Like, she ended her other relationship 4 months ago. And I had a 3 day long meltdown due to stress this week. I had posted about not being ready for NM on this sub a few weeks ago and SHE READ IT. How is this a good time? I asked againd if she would be with me independently if we were NM or not and she said she doesn't know.

I sincerely don't know what to do. I don't want to live the hell that her last relationship was for me all over again. I had a bad meltdown yesterday and already had to take anxiety medicine to sleep yesterday, and woke up anxious. I don't want to broke up with her. I love her, I want to live with her, marry her, and tbf I don't feel like I have anyone else.

I told her I wouldn't stop her from asking the girl to be her girlfriend, but I don't want to live that all over again. I'm trying to soothe myself with the fact that they're long distance, but I don't know what's going to happen if they see each other face to face one day.

I'm feeling it all again and I can't stop it.