I’ve been doing the non-monogamy thing for a little over a year, am definitely still learning as I go and am in NO WAY perfect. But I’m genuinely in SHOCK with what just happened to one of my friends.

My friend (we’ll call A) has dated a few people but nothing exceedingly intimate or serious. Recently, an acquaintance of ours, D, broke up with their long term monogamous partner because they wanted to be polyamorous (absolutely valid). At a queer event a few weeks ago, A & D kiss a little. I also see D kissing another girl there named S. Love it, no problems there, everyone is chill. Then A & D go on a few dates spanning a few weeks, and then they hooked up for the first time. Immediately after, D says “oh I probably shouldn’t have done that, I didn’t tell my girlfriend S first”. So many red flags, because not only did they not tell S that they were going to hook up with A, THEY DIDNT TELL A THAT THEY WERE DATING S!!!!

And stay with me, because it gets WORSE in my opinion. D texts A the next day and tells her that S will be contacting her???? Which A neither asked for nor wants. And when S DOES she not only misgenders her partner, but says that they’re “still together after their cheating” and shares that D has told her about A’s lack of experience and is EXTREMELY demeaning the entire text message??? And then D sends a paragraph “apologizing” for their behavior but it’s actually just an insane guilt trip.

I’m honestly upset because A is a really great person and after not being intimate w/ anyone for a few years this is her experience :( But also, this is just a really shitty representation of poly ppl :/