Me (M38) and my partner (F37) have been discussing ENM for a little while to see if it's something we want to pursue. We are reading a few books (Ethical Slut and Designer Relationships) and also perusing the discussions here.

We have not yet engaged with others, and still aren't sure if we will, but have a few questions:

1. Labels can be problematic, but also useful. We're still figuring out what our boundaries and motivations are. One thing we're sure of for now is that we want any sexual experiences to include us both. Is there a label that best describes this? This would be useful for finding advice around that part of the ENM community.
2. What resources (books, blogs, activities, etc) helped you figure out what you might be interested in exploring sexually, and what boundaries you/your partner need?
3. When considering whether and how to explore sexually with others, were there any specific practices you and your partner(s) found reassuring if one (or both) of you felt insecure, scared, or jealous? What helped you get through it when things were hard or uncomfortable?
4. One member of our couple has genital herpes (HSV), and is wondering whether this is, and if so how much, a disqualifying factor that is for many forms of casual non-monogamy. In a group situation like an orgy or sex club, how/when do people disclose an STD like this? Is fooling around with others casually even an option? Are people typically using protection anyways?
5. Is there any other advice for dipping our toes into ENM?

For context, we've been together for almost 5 years, our relationship is very close, and communication is strong. We're trying to approach this in an intentional and loving way. Thanks for helping us out in advance!