I don’t spend a lot of time as part of any poly community. I don’t go to events, consume poly content or even talk about it much outside of spaces like this, which I don’t frequent. But as I perceive it, there’s some debate about what exactly constitutes unicorn hunting. Some people believe that it is all unicorn hunting, and inherently toxic, for an established couple to deliberately pursue a desire for sex or relationships with single women. Others take a more nuanced view that focuses on how they go about it, the ethics of particular decisions. Is that accurate?One reason I hear a lot about why couples should just not do it, regardless of how ethical they see themselves to be, is simply because “no one wants it.” I get that. If you knowingly go around offering lots of people something that no one wants, you’re being a pest, at minimum.

But this specific point raises an equally specific question: what if lots of people do want it?

I have a male-female couple in mind; and they are phenomenologically very attractive. By that I mean that regardless of what any of us would think about their looks or personalities, it is simply a fact that they attract a remarkable amount of romantic and sexual interest, separately and together. In the last year they’ve had threesomes with quite a few different women, and turned down opportunities for as many others. And not poly women, either, just single women they happened to meet, usually on the dancefloor of some bar. They ask themselves “so what do you want from tonight?” when they go out and if they both want to take someone home, chances are pretty good that they will. It’s also not a numbers game for them—they shoot a high percentage. It’s rare that someone they’re interested in hasn’t been interested back. Whether it’s because they are just that attractive, or if they are just that good at sensing attraction in strangers before making strong moves, I will not speculate.

This couple, therefore, has a rational expectation that single women they pursue want to be pursued. Considering only the premise that “nobody wants it,” is what they’re doing still wrong? Or do we have to allow that there are separate rules for attractive people?