Mostly a rant, but down to hear feedback.

My partner and I have been long distance for years. From the start I told them that I have physical needs and we agreed to ENM. It was working decently at first. As time has gone on, my partner's boundaries have changed. At first the rules were just to prefer bisexual/pansexual people so we can all play together when in town.

The rules list is now long and arduous. It can't be a hookup, but also can't be too close of a friend, and they need to know each other or have a mutual friend vouch for them. It can be with one particular male friend (we have poor sexual chemistry). It can't be with a couple. I am very picky with men, as in the past I have been pressured and had safe words ignored. So I want to know them really well one on one beforehand.

I feel like anytime I found someone the rules get changed. Tried to set up something with a mutual friend. Then I get rules about not going out to dinner or even coffee, as it would be too romantic. How am I supposed to feel comfy, much less sexy?

I am essentially a single man trying to find a strictly FWB that is cool going straight to the bedroom. Which, honestly to brag a little, hardly slows me down. I have hundreds of matches on feeld, and OKC, and many people in real life tell me they are interested. Then when I try to have a discussion with her about the person. Suddenly there's all these big issues, multiple hours or days of discussion. How she doesn't trust them to not fall in love with me or she doesn't find them attractive. Essentially the goal post gets moved. Then she wants more alone time with me, yet we just burned 4 hours talking about how another person won't work out.

Meanwhile she's fucking a straight man that professes his love for her regularly. It's not in line with the rules I set, but she said she's demisexual, so I agreed to bend the rules.

I think the real issue to me is that I haven't had sex in months and my physical needs are not being met.

Is there anyway to discuss this constructively with her? I am so frustrated at this point and my mental health is absolutely slipping. I am feeling manipulated.

These absurdly long discussions push me away from discussing other conflict in our relationship, as I am so drained.