Hi everyone, I've (35M) been in a somewhat open relationship with a great woman (27F) for about three years. For now we don't actively date in our city, but we agree that we can see other people when we're traveling.

I logically understand why ENM should be ok, but when my partner hooks up with someone else I get intensely triggered. Severity varies, but I've dealt with not being able to focus on my work, circular thinking, physical stress responses, and intrusive thoughts about hurting myself.

I've been doing some thinking and research to better understand that response, and I think I have some unresolved trauma or PTSD related to major incidents of cheating and gaslighting in my first major relationship in my late teens.

I've asked my partner to put a pause on being open while I can do therapy and work to address these triggers. It feels truly unfair that a shitty relationship from so long ago can be so negatively affecting my current relationship which is really great aside from these responses I have with my partner is with other people.

That's a lot of context, but I wanted to reach out to this community to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar and is successfully in an open relationship today. What did the process look like? What worked for you? How likely is it that I can work through this and maintain my relationship? Any other advice is appreciated too.