Info: Long text ahead, all names are made up. I try to be brief. Short version below.

TLDR: I almost don't care that my GF is seeing another guy, I expected to be more nervous. Is it because my love for her vanished after having had a longer period of drama?

The Start
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I (28m) and my partner of 4 years, Rita, (22f) opened our relationship last year. Rita had the urge to explore her sexuality more, I agreed out of curiosity and because I knew suppressing that urge will make her unhappy over time (careful readers will realize the drama potential at this point). We started slowly with only kissing being allowed. I handled it worse than I expected, I re-lived all my sexual insecurities from my teenage years. She fell in love with a friend, Armando, but cancelled it due to my bad state.

The Surprising Turn
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Rita encouraged me to also explore, which took a surprisingly fast turn and me having sex with Lana, which was in my city as a tourist and I initially only asked to eat ice cream. After this experience, I totally understood a phrase Rita told me after one of her first kisses with other people, that resonated in my head "Being able to be intimate with others makes my love towards you even stronger, not weaker". I totally understood it now. I also understood why I felt so insecure before but didn't anymore now - I stopped being this insecure teenager, I am a charming and loving man!I encouraged Rita to pursue the adventure with Armando. He turned her down, leaving her heartbroken and sobbing for many times in my arms over a month.I asked Rita if it is OK if I continue texting Lana. While me, Rita and Armando live in Europe, Lana lives in Japan.

The Overseas Drama
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Lana invited me to visit her in Japan - a country I always wanted to visit. I asked Rita if she is ok with that. Rita told me that she cannot say how she will feel when I am there but on the other hand she does not want to hinder me to take on this adventure (careful readers will see more drama building up). Being annoyed on not getting a clear "no" or "yes", I told her that I will book the flights if she will not tell me "no". She said I can go. Once in Japan, Rita started having a mental meltdown from the second day onwards. She asked me to separate from Lana. I told her that I don't want that, we spoke about this before and I flew all the way to the other side of the world to spend 2 weeks of vacation with her. Rita asked to have a daily phone call on which I agreed. The calls consisted mainly of her crying, calling Lana words and me saying "mhm". I got tired and disgusted by those phone calls. I had a great time and an emotional goodbye with Lana, we knew there was a high chance we would never see each other again.

The Current Situation
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I encouraged Rita to meet other people, such that she and I can see "the other side" and might get a better understanding of each other. She met Aki, which she started seeing last week. I am happy that she now can also experience the "active" part of the open relationship. I don't feel jealousy, nervousness or any bad feelings. I wonder if I still love her anymore because I am kind of happy she has somebody else to be with, also if I would break up with her.

The Outlook
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I am going on a business trip to Korea next month. I added one week of vacation to my stay there. I could meet up again with Lana. Rita told me that she is unsure of this because of what happened in Japan. I kind of find this unfair, as she is able to see other people and I am fine with it. I understand that I kind of broke her trust in Japan by deciding to not distance myself from Lana when Rita felt so overwhelmed by all these feelings. But I am unhappy that she keeps all possibilities open and tells me she doesn't know how she will feel if something specific happens - like Japan or Korea. I believed that it is fair to ask for a definite answer at some point. Rita also frequently mentions that we are "not balanced" yet. In her opinion, things are balances when she also has had a longer, emotional adventure. In my opinion, things are balanced if both sides have the same possibilities to meet other people.I am sick of all the drama and the emotionally charged discussions, I just want to chill and have a good time. On the other hand we had a great relationship before "opening up", but I don't feel like going back to monogamy at the moment.

Thank you if you managed to bear this story to the end, it felt good to write it all down.