I 24f have been going steady and getting to know a person I met through a mutual friends event 24NB we will call her Amy for the sake of ease.

Me and Amy connected with one another back in late September. A good friend of mine was throwing a fairy picnic event and reached out to me to cohost/ plan. Reached out and unfortunately they couldn’t make it but we continued to talk and get to know each other.

Prior to this

I met a group of 4 friends around June at a house party thrown by one of my partners. I became pretty good friends with them and they became apart of our small poly/ no monogamous friend group. The couple that I spent a majority of my time with will go by Kelly and Ari. I spent a lot of time with Kelly and Ari for the 4 months that I knew them. Movie nights, game nights, hitting the town to events/ clubs, and camping. The whole nine.

I at the time had been hoping and praying for some new friends in my life because I live a small life and keep to my self. These hangouts progressively became more intimate in that we would drink, kiss, and flirt.

I had became interested in being a unicorn to Kelly and Ari as I got to know more about there polyamorous relationship. This was before I was educated in polyamorous dynamics and was unaware that this would be more than likely detrimental to me. I tried to get to know them both and clicked more with Kelly than Ari. So that sprouted a deeper connection on one side vs the other. I continued to spend time with Kelly and we even had a sexual encounter one night after some dinner and drinks.

After this encounter I felt uneasy because I wasn’t sure if Kelly was being a good hinge in communicating where our relationship was going to Ari. That in combination with the pains that came from the break up with Gary( a previous partner, we tried to open our relationship for the first time and it didnt work. So we stayed friends) were still lingering and I didn’t find it fair to continue and try to grow a connection with them knowing I wasn’t in a good place too. They were also very heavy coke users when we would party and this made me wildly uncomfortable. so I communicated and let kelly know that I didn’t believe I was in a place to give them what they where seeking at the time but wanted to continue to have a friendship.

Long long story short Kelly and Amy are previous partners. Of which I was unaware of until Kelly randomly hit me up and confronted me 2 weeks after I met Amy on social media. Kelly was being unfaithful to her partner Ari by not being transparent about the way their relationship was developing and didn’t know until amy was ready to be public. This ended the friendship with me and Kelly because they felt I was being shady and talking to her previous partner without her knowledge? ( even though she’s the one who blew that relationship up) Which I just don’t believe she has any say on who I decide to befriend or date for that matter.

After hearing more history from Amy
I had so many things swimming through my mind about the friendship and brief connection I had with them. I was still processing everything and didn’t say anything regarding the relationship I had with them because I figured neither of us would connect with them again.

Fast forward to just a few days ago

The last two weeks of April. Me and Ari have spent a lot of time together getting to know each other and for the last 2 months have been having conversations of becoming official.

The last 2 weekends we’ve ran into Kelly and Ari at local bars and clubs hanging with some of our mutuals

The very next day after the last encounter Ari messaged Amy asking to hang out. Which completely threw me off because of how they ended. I am assuming because of all of the mutual and friendly interactions they felt comfortable doing this. Amy didn’t shut things down like I expected but simply told them they couldn’t that day. Which struck me as strange.

everything was perfectly normal until Sunday night. they hit me around 11:30 pm and asked a very direct question but framed it as if they ”had a dream they can’t shake and need to“ ( not making this up. A dream? Really? ) but said “ were you ever intimate with Kelly ” and honestly my first response was me skating around the question to then say yes admittedly.

Amy was very very upset and heart broken by this (explained there struggles with BPD and splitting the best way the could) at this but we decided to have a conversation about it further the next day as it was late. The next day came and they called me while at work and began rattling off questions at me. They had went to Kelly and asked questions because they felt as if I wasn’t being truthful. Of which I told them I was intimate with Kelly and the reason why Kelly stopped talking to me was because of my new involvement with amy and my transitioning relationship with Gary.

Amy wasn’t aware that me and Gary were previous partners and feels that i was lying and keeping this information from them. I simply thought that I was moving on from those connections and didn’t need to explain all of these things considering neither of us talk to kelly and Ari. As well as my friendship with Gary being very open to Amy.

They began accusing me of possibly being sexually intimate with Gary and them at the same time even though it’s been 8 almost 9 months since I’ve had an intimate interaction with anyone and have sent test.

They called me a disgusting lier, said they didn’t care about what I was going through, and put off our conversation for a full week saying they were too busy and I needed to be patient.

Saturday morning I tried to innitate a conversation about there strange behaviors that have been actively unfolding for about 3 months now.

I basically found out a guy that they spend several days a week with is someone one they attempted a relationship with and decided to stay friends. They originally told me he was “just a homie” and over time they told me more about the kind of relationship they had. They lied to me when I asked who they were with once when I saw a pic of this person holding there cat. No face. I knew they were lying because the person they said it was doesn’t have hand tattoos like the person in the photo did. Of which I found that it was this “ homie” after being alittle observant in person.

I held in my frustrations about this until Saturday. Yes I should have brought it up sooner and doing so when already at odds was petty but I was feeling super demonized over people neither of us even interact with concerning behaviors

By this time I was so emotionally exhausted the last thing they messaged me saying was that they weren’t reading what I had to say and that we were done.

Maybe I am just use to communicating and having conversations with the people around me much sooner and I was being impatient idk. This entire thing unfolded over text which really hurt because I wanted desperately to just communicate and have an in person conversation.

I need thoughts. I need honest options. If I messed up here I totally get it. I just feel like I’ve spent so much time getting to know them and falling for them. Just for it to be so easily ended. Thanks 🫶🏾