What’s up gents? I’m taking applications, so shoot your shot.

Little bit about me: 39 year old male, 5’9”, 175lbs, circumcised, Straight, Drug free, disease free.

COVID vaxxed boosted. Clean cut. Professional. Disease free. You should be too.

One of my 2023 Resolutions is to a) make a new friend, b) match up our wants, desires and needs, c) take our conversation to a different chat platf0rm, d) get together over a cup to see if we’re a fit, and e) become ongoing, in-person JO Buds. In that order.

I know exactly what I want, and what I do not want.

Wants:

• Jerking Off together
• Being Friends
• Crossing Swords
• Comparing
• Measuring
• Jerking each other
• Frotting
• Cum Tributing pics together
• Double-Penetrating a Fleshlight
• Talking and Bro-ing out to porn celebs tiktok girls

Hard No’s:

• Penetration
• Oral
• Kissing
• Drugs
• Poor manners
• 0nline-only
• Unsolicited dick pics
• Strings attached

You don’t necessarily have to want all of my wants, but you do have to respect my hard no’s.

Send over a DM and let’s see if we’re a good match.

When you reply, please start off with

• Age
• Height
• Weight
• Sexual Orientation?
• Ethnicity?
• Circumcised?
• What you’re looking for
• Your hard no’s
• And any questions for me.

Let’s talk.

Update 5/26/2023

Revisions since my resolution started on January 1st:

• I will not be responding to any Reddit accounts that are less than 6 months old.

• In the event we talk—and 20 minutes in—you’re wondering why I ask so many questions up front: I have preferences, and I want to weed out those who won’t be a good fit. I lead with kindness and optimism. If you don’t make the cut, I’ll tell you why. It’s typically a roadblock you or I cannot get past. In any event, I’ll let you know. I won’t flake or ghost. My roadblocks aren’t personal attacks. They are my preferences. You have them. All of us have them.

• This isn’t a one-sided conversation. Any questions for me, feel free to fire away. Everyone who replies to me gets an equal shot. Burr check what we got. Rise up. Happy to answer anything you want to know.

• Here’s the answer to the most frequent question I get: No, I’m not flexible on my hard no’s. You aren’t going to convince me.

• This is about getting to know one another and becoming ongoing, in-person buds. This is not about you jerking off to the “idea” of getting to know one another and becoming ongoing, in-person buds. Don’t message me if you aren’t serious.

• If chatting with me is a way for you to get off today—and you have zero intentions of ever meeting up—do not message me.

• Nothing will make you look like an asshole more than writing to me one-handed. Put more clearly: be turned on all you want. That’s a good thing. But, if you can’t have a conversation with me and would rather jerk off, then go jerk off. If you and I are firing on all cylinders, then the ideal scenario is becoming objects for one another’s sexual gratification. Duh. But, if you’re acting that way from jump street, I (and any person worth meeting for this) may write you off as impulsive. No one wants to align with someone who can’t control themselves. Just my 2 cents.

• Manners, guys. I’ll be cool if you’re cool. If you’re a douche, then I’ll be a douche. I’m looking for a dick, not an asshole. It’s not hard to be nice.

• I’m turned on by the idea of sharing my orgasm with another dude. I’m turned on by helping another dude cum. I’m not turned on by the other dude.

• If you’re more interested in me sitting there bottomless than what we’re both jerking off to, we’re probably not a fit. [ Family Guy cutaway - Strip Poker with Superheroes - “OK Wonder Woman, I’ve got 3 Kings, let’s see your pair! … Hey Robin, what are you looking at me for, look at her!” ] Cool if that’s your thing, but it won’t work if your primary turn-on is me.

• This is a slow burn. I’m looking to get to know you. I’m not looking to meet up to JO today, tomorrow or next week. Cool if you are, but I’m not.

• Since January 1st, I’ve had tons of great conversations that lasted weeks with dudes who are good matches who ghosted and flaked. We’re all busy. If you aren’t feeling it, just say so. No need to waste both of our time, fellas.

• Since January 1st, I’ve had tons of great conversations with dudes who are poor matches who have been pushy. Once we hit a roadblock, there’s a 0.01% chance we’ll overcome it. Just my opinion, but I see no reason to continue chatting after hitting a roadblock. I’m all ears if you have potential workarounds.

• If you made it this far, thank you. Shoot your shot. I’m excited to hear from everyone and anyone who is interested.

• Even the great Eli Manning was just 10-23 against the Eagles for his career. Shoot your shot.

• Little known TV actor Bruce Willis was the 9th choice to play John McClane in Die Hard (1988), after 8 actors turned down the role. Shoot your shot.

• Even Bill Maher and Ann Coulter were able to become good friends. Shoot your shot.

• Howard Stern wasn’t dubbed the King of all Media till much later in his radio career, most of which was lackluster early on. Shoot your shot.

• Mike Piazza was the 1390th pick overall and ended his career as a Hall of Famer. Shoot your shot.