Dose: Two 10 days apart sessions, around 20 carts each.

Objective: Ego death & unity experience (failed)

Medications: 50 mg/day of desvenlafaxine

I see reports that people sometimes had powerful mystical experiences on nitrous... I had 6 therapeutic ketamine sessions, and one of them was very powerful and profound. I was expecting some short and weak ketamine counterpart.

I fill two balloons with 3 pink isi carts each. I do about 20 deep breaths, then inhale full lungs, hold for 20 seconds, exhale, inhale again with a small amount of air. I feel electric sensation in my body and bzz sound, but nothing else. I don't notice anything more, typical chatter in my head goes on as usual. But I do notice reentry. It feels like 10-20 minutes passed, but actually I was kind of out about 40-60 seconds. Then I realize I'm still holding a balloon in my hand, sometimes there's some gas still left in it. It doesn't feel like ketamine at all, more like a daydream, or shallow nap. Barely anything psychedelic.

Couple of times on reentry I felt like I realized some cool but simple thing about life (not universe as happens for some, but something at "brush your teeth" level) but I forget it seconds later and I can't say what it was.