I've been feeling like everything is meaningless and nothing serves purpose. Including myself. I've been depressed for months due to the existential dread. I've felt like this before, and somehow I came out of the nihilistic worldview I adopted, and I lived a meaningful life for a few months. But I relapsed back into the nihilism (and subsequently, depression and suicidality). I know that for me to reach a better place I need to break away from the nihilistic mindset I've come to see the world through.

Eventually the 'meaninglessness' of life turns to have the meaning of "meaningless suffering" which robs me of the will to live.

Does anyone have some good resources that critique / deconstruct nihilism?