I hear you. I hear your quiet sobbing at 4am. Maybe you don't even know why you're crying. Maybe you know exactly why and you're afraid you can't handle it. Maybe you aren't producing enough milk and you feel like a failure. Maybe you've pumped for hours, eaten the oatmeal and drank Body Armor because you heard it helps with milk supply but you still... can't... get it.

Maybe you're dealing with PPD and you don't even realize it. Maybe you feel completely detached from your baby and are wondering if you made a mistake. Maybe you're terrified about every little thing and you're worried that the slightest mistake will kill your baby. You might be feeling like this is never going to get better; like the light at the end of the tunnel is so far away and how can you even survive long enough to make it there? You lay there sometimes and think about your pre-baby life and how easy it was compared to this, but at the same time, how grateful you are to have your baby.

Everyone stands around you and gushes about how ecstatic you must be and while you are happy to have a baby, it's difficult to feel excitement for anything except uninterrupted sleep. Sometimes you might get help and just might get to sleep for a minute, but you can't turn "mom ear" off, so the minute your baby whines, it's hardwired into your DNA to jump up and tend to them.

Maybe you're worried about going back to work. Maybe you don't feel ready and you're so anxious about putting your baby in daycare. It stings thinking about leaving your baby with a stranger. What if the baby cries too much and they can't handle them? What if being away from your baby causes your milk to dry up?

Hello. I'm speaking to you one year from now as someone who thought every single one of these things. Everyone told me that "oh it gets easier, you'll be fine". It irritated me to hear that because they certainly didn't know how hard it was for me. For weeks I wondered if I even loved my baby and if I ever would; would I just resent her and be a cold mother forever? For months I worried that I'd reach my breaking point and just shut down completely. "It's not supposed to be this hard. Mothers aren't supposed to struggle like this".

I'm not going to tell you you're okay- because you're not. Maybe nothing feels okay right now. But, the best thing I can tell you is to not look at the big picture right now... because it's massive. Too big to comprehend at this moment in time. Don't obsess over your feelings. Feel them, move on, and just do the next right thing. Focus on getting through the day. Do not try to force yourself to feel the things that you think mothers should feel. Let it happen naturally- and it will. I promise. And it may not happen soon.

The point here is that mothers become moms at different paces. You're not a bad mother. You're adapting to the biggest shock to your system that you've ever experienced. Get someone to watch the baby while you do a web chat with a therapist- there are a lot of great telemedicine services out there. If you think you might have depression, do not try to fight it off. See a psychiatrist ASAP. The best mother is a mentally stable one.

Hello from the other side. The one everyone talks about. Where everything is so much easier. It feels like an eternity away. But you are strong enough to get there. You will survive this. You will be happy.

Hello from a year from now. You are head over heels in love with that baby. They're bright, beautiful, hilarious, and genuinely a ray of sunshine. It's not always easy. They still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes. They still demand to be held when you have things to do. They're still loud when you're trying to watch TV. But you sit there with them making funny noises to each other, both of you giggling heartily at one another. They've learned to clap when you say "Yay!" and they think it's so funny. Your favorite time of the entire day is when you pick them up from daycare and you see that spark of excitement in their eyes the minute they see you and they crawl to you just as fast as their little hands and knees can take them. You catch them smiling at you because they're just so happy to be with you. They nuzzle under your chin when they're sleepy because nothing makes them happier and more relaxed than mama snuggles.

You may not be there now, but you will get there. You will survive this. You're going to be a great mother.