I feel like is kinda complicated in my situation, for context I have been an addict a very long part of my life , since childhood more precisely , started at 5 with alcohol , at 12 with weed and 13 with hard drugs pills more precisely , I was drinking vodka and taking boxes of xanax and diazepam(valium) like candies and anything I could find methadone , heroin , dxm was a good combo with alcohol as I recall , fast forward some years later my liver toxicity was very bad because of my daily alcohol consumption and so at 15 I stopped drinking alcohol and combining the drugs with it but I still continued I tried hundreds of drugs , I overdosed multiple times , got in coma a couple of times and other medical problems that I had along the way , but I still couldn't stay sober , the longest time I was sober was at 17 when I was in hospital from an antipsychotic and for like 2 weeks the substance was in my body and my brain and I could feel the negative effects and still managed to stay about 1-2 months sober but went back to drugs shortly after and discovered my "love" for uppers , and more specifically mdma , mephedrone and meth , I loved mdma but you cannot get high on it daily , after like 3 days from my experience you dont feel anything anymore and I still took daily for a week , but meth was perfect , you can use it daily and even tho is not like the first time its still very good , and so I did meth kinda often if not daily for the past 2 years , now I started to go sober , I am 20 now and I am sober for about 5 months and 15 days , except my sleep quality everything else is kinda bad , from what I read and asked around the first 2 years are kinda hard after you start going sober , and so I try to distract myself from temptations , I did with sport and playing games, reading but I still feel my brain seeking and thinking about it or just being playing sad no willing to live , the only time that I feel quiet is driving , sometimes talking , or having music playing but I cannot afford to always drive and I am not always fully aware so I cannot afford to risk driving and make mistakes. Any other ideas how to distract myself and my brain or how to fix on long term my reward system ? thank you for reading before commenting , I will gladly accept all opinions regarding the addiction subject , best regards