CW FOR DRUGS!!!!

so bare with me here, I know that sounds weird. I was diagnosed a couple years ago but have been expected my entire life to mask. I would essentially get socially punished if I didn't force myself to mask then I would be so exhausted by the end of the day I would lay in bed and sob. it sucked

after some therapy and coming to terms with the fact, yes I really am autistic and that's okay, I tried to learn how to unmask because it made my depression soooo much worse. I couldn't do it easily. it was hard, I felt like I was doing something wrong and was expecting to be punished even if I was alone. i would be able to unmask for a little while then immediately tense back up because I would be reminded of "oh last time I stimmed like this in public I was told to stop embarrassing myself" and I would get all sad.

so then I started smoking weed. at first I did it with other people, that was really fun and I like social smoking with people I feel safe with. however then I started smoking alone and OH MY GOD. it was like I was able to do what my body and brain naturally wanted to do without feeling like I should be in trouble. it was honestly really healing for my inner child too. I got to watch kids movies on Netflix and stim the entire time without feeling bad about myself. I didn't feel like I had to alter any facial expressions or try to be someone else. I just got to exist. AND IT WAS AMAZING

people say this is weird and not how you should "treat" autism. I really don't care though. I found something that is helping me undo all the programming and trauma I have and it's letting me be myself. I'm not ending the day completely emotionally drained and overstimulated anymore

10/10 would recommend