edit: I put slightly in the title because I didn't want to make anyone diagnosed with PTSD uncomfortable but I agree that it's more than just a little traumatic

I honestly think that for a lot of people in the ND community, especially those who were already kinda weird or anything else that wasn't the societal norm (Gay/trans/etc), being undiagnosed and treated unfairly because of your differences has changed the way you interact with people.

we already know that neurodivergent people interact with the world differently, I feel like that's amplified if you were undiagnosed as a kid. you're more aware of your symptoms in a bad way I guess. in my case, I have ADHD, dyslexia and autism but wasn't diagnosed until 7th-8th grade. Because of that teachers, my peers and even my own family just kinda expected me to have it all click one day and start acting like everyone else. I would struggle to read in class and instead of getting accommodations, help, tutoring or really anything, I was told to work harder and basically ignored. "other kids can do it, why can't I?" was basically running through my head 24/7. I didn't understand social cues and was bullied because of it, again I didn't understand why I was so different from everyone else and it gave me so much pain. it was so hard to go to school and interact with people because I knew I was different but I didn't know what was different about me. I tried so hard to be like everyone else but it didn't work and I was miserable.

when I started researching the things I was experiencing and talking to my psychiatrist about it, he sent me to get tested and then I was diagnosed. it finally clicked with me that the problem wasn't me and it wasn't something I could just stop doing, I felt validated for the first time.

I assumed at the time of diagnosis that I would stop having this shame and embarrassment from being "weird" but I didn't. I think that because I was told my symptoms were just me not trying hard enough as a kid that I internalized that. I would still force myself to mask and when I left school or work I would be exhausted and shut down. I would feel ashamed every time I needed to use my accommodations (I only got these after my diagnosis). I constantly felt like everyone was watching me because I'm the kid who needs extra help and that's bad.

I've worked through the internalized ableism in therapy and don't let these thoughts control me anymore, it sucks that we don't just let kids be kids and tell them to "work harder" when they're struggling. I just wonder if anyone else who was diagnosed later has gone through something similar?