20F I just noticed some things possibly wrong with me.

I consider myself a hopeless romantic. I always fantasize about being in a relationship. Its something i do want.

Due to trauma from my first ever one its been hard for me to try again.

I have my standards and know what i need and want and dont plan to settle for anyone. I have respect for myself in that department so while im big on it its sorta not a rush.

Usually i like to get to know someone first and talked to them but the moment they have feelings i instantly get scared and my mind starts racing. Its almost like i have a panick attack. One thing i think about when this happens is that its because i struggle with change.

Another thing that i wonder is constantly confusion. I feel like my reality is disorted. Like my way of thinking is just not right. Or if something happens that i dont like and it could be small, i feel big uncomfortable emotions that put me in distress. Then when i calm back down i wonder why i was upset.

I suspect its probably a mix of undiagnosed Adhd, Autism, or Bpd, depression

I tried to seek a diagnosis and treatment and it always failed. I couldn't get to the diagnosis process with any provider.

So i spend most of my days feeling confused not understanding my interactions or own emotions,

I cope with intense daydreaming(its bad to where i cant get my stories on paper), cartoons, and YouTube videos.

Im also in college which is challenging in the social realm. As far as grades go i have a high gpa which makes others not understand my internal struggles even when i try to speak out about it.

And another thing is whenever i feel something is wrong about someone else or an interaction i have i wonder if i jump to conclusions quickly, even in a case when someone is truly wrong. The thing is i get confused and honestly dont know. I just listen to those around me for input to see whats right and wrong as far as people go.

Im just confused about everything basically its not fun and my mind never rests.