I dont know exactly whats going on with me(not looking for diagnosis of course on here specifically)

Ive been struggling with mental illness for a while with a range of symptoms with no help from doctors yet.

But the thing that frustrates me the most is not understanding people. When i say i dont know about something I mean it.

Imagine this:

Someone tells you something.

You respond thinking what your saying makes sense

Then you find that the person is kinda offended or say u miss the point.

And when you try to say you didn't mean it in such way and correct yourself they can either be understanding or get angry with you and you begin to feel bad an dwell on it.

Ive been trying to come out of my shell more recently and this is what i find im experiencing. Its like im an alien from space. And it getting frustrating to the point i just isolated myself whenever it happens.

I feel like its better if i dont talk cuz explaining myself can make things worse depending on the situation. Im alway told that in society im supposed to be firm assertive and be confident but when i am it brings trouble

I tend to overthink things alot and blow things out of proportion(maybe im doing it now oof) but i just want to live my life, enjoy myself, and be independent but it seems as though i cant when i dont understand how to concersate with people or know when my emotions are valid or not.

Ill say something someone did or acts towards me hurt me and i get told im thinking about it wrong and too negative.

I just in all honesty am confused.

I dont understand. My emotions, people, the world.

It confuses me so much and i never ever intend to be a pain to anyone or hurt anyone. I dont know what im doing or what i have done in recent years. Its like a dream almost and im just existing.

Anyways that all for now.