Marriage turmoil need help

I 32yrs old been with my wife 34yrs old for 12 years and share 1 child together. We have been having issues for awhile and arguments and unfortunately some in front of our child. We are not at a good place at all and I may be halfway moving out tomorrow or real soon.

I must admit that I am a hothead and have anger issues due to the way I grew up in my life. Of course I’m never physical with her but I have said plenty of mean things. Let’s say I’m no saint. I tend to be forgetful of taking the trash out or cleaning the cats litter box on the daily due to my day to day stresses which of course irritates her. Sometimes I leave a clothing item on the floor instead throwing it in the washer machine when it’s empty. I do have a fear of unfaithfulness. I think it also has to do to how cheating was a big subject growing up but not positive. I have accused her of cheating multiple times when she has not done so due to this fear when we get into nasty arguments.

She is a stay at home mom. She has no driving license due to her being fearful of driving which I’m fine with it. It is hard being the only one that drives however. She can’t work dueto my work. My job requires me to be on call on and off every week and my normal hours are 9-5. Daycare is ridiculous expensive. where I live which is in the Seattle area don’t really have family that is reliable to watch our child from time to time so no date nights really and we don’t have college degrees and such. I’ve been lucky that I’ve worked in my field for a long time so I do get paid a living wage.

For awhile, I feel under appreciated and disrespected. Every time I am upset or stressed or emotionally hurt about some event it flips all about her and her feelings and I’m never able to express myself. Sometimes she talks to me with nasty tones and becomes argumentative out of a random subject. which in turn gets me upset and of course say mean things. She is not caring nor comforts me or even that sweet to me in a romantic way anymore. We only get physical maybe 1 every 2-4 weeks depending on that week. She is not confident in herself because she is on the heavier side but she is very proportionate and doesn’t look obsessed to me at all and looks very attractive to me and I know others will find her attractive as well. I’ve tried to let her know about it but doesn’t care what I say or even tries to take the compliments I give her on her beauty. I tried to be sweet and rub her back and give her compliments and tell her nice things about her but I feel it goes in one ear and out the other.

She also has adhd and proclaim that it causes her to have a hard time listening to me and interrupts me like a million times when I do speak and flips topics all the time which in turn does get me upset.

She also has other ocd like issues on certain thoughts and makes a small normal issue and thinks it’s way bigger and dangerous than it actually is which is hard to deal with.

I personally feel that she does not love me anymore and it kills me inside due to lack of romance on her side. I feel we have no connection anymore and all we talk about is our child and sometimes some random boring subject that is not fun. I feel that the romance is dead. We have a hard time talking about our problems because it turns into an argument.

I love my wife but I’m totally lost and emotionally hurt. I don’t want my child to grow up in a broken home but I don’t want her to grow up in a toxic one as well.