I'm currently in my 30s (m) and working as a retail clerk. I work hard at it and enjoy aspects of my job and the people but I would like to accomplish more and do more with my life.

I've felt kind of stuck and unsure of what to do for a lot of my life but especially in the last few years. I feel like I've lost a lot of the ambition, and hope, that I used to have in my 20s.

There were two situations that I feel have really affected my outlook on life and careers.

The first was when I did my undergraduate degree. I did an arts degree and I was very passionate about it at the time. It was a field I excelled in. I regularly would get among the highest marks in the class. My professors liked me. I would spend hours in the library reading and doing projects and I really enjoyed what I was doing. It's probably the one time I ever felt like I was doing what I was good at.

Eventually I thought I would go on to do my masters and a PhD, but as I got older I started to see that my degree wouldn't really translate to real world skills. Finding a job would be difficult and the life of an academic, while fun for awhile, was not something I saw for the rest of my life. I finished my degree and decided to try something else.

Fresh out of university I applied for a bunch of jobs and the first place to hire me was a bank. It wasn't necessarily something Id imagined for myself but I like new challenges and decided to go all in.

I really tried to apply myself. I made a training manual, I took extra hours, during the summer when people were on vacation I didn't take any time off so I was regularly responsible for opening and closing the bank, I gained the certification to move into higher positions in the bank.

There were several experiences though that made it a really difficult, which I won't go into detail as it will just sound resentful, but I did find out the manager of the branch was fired just a few months after I left.

One situation that was the worst was when a customer lost several thousand dollars through something that wasn't really my fault. The blame got all put on me though. I didn't get a bonus that year when everyone else did and it left "a mark" on my career. I felt thrown under the bus. I was in my 20s though and didn't have the confidence to stand up for myself and just let it happen. They were my managers and I felt like I had to accept it. My manager would regularly say things like, "you've got a university degree. You should be able to figure it out", even though I regularly said they have way more experience than me and I have a lot to learn from them.

Anyway, flash forward about 10 years later and I've had a bunch of random jobs in various low skilled fields. I felt completely lost and no clear idea of what I should be doing with my life.

I started a dog training course a few months ago because I feel like it really speaks to me on a deep level. I love dogs, I love people, and I love helping dogs and people. It would also give me the opportunity to work for myself and even if it doesnt become super successful I would enjoy it.

Whenever it comes to doing the course work though I'm always stuck with these negative thoughts. I always think, "you're wasting your time. This will never amount to anything. You're just going to fail. Something will happen and all this work will amount to nothing just like everything else you've tried."

I used to push myself to work hard at something I wanted but I regularly just feel unmotivated and hopeless whenever I'm meant to do the course work. I'll still do training with my dog but I keep avoiding the projects.

Does anyone have any advice for breaking these negative thoughts and finding motivation to do my course work?

Thank you in advance for anyone who took the time to read this.