Don’t get me wrong - when the chemistry is there, and trust has been built and a mutual sense of affection and adventure is there to tap into and make things almost electric with excitement - other energy is fun too. Fast or urgent or playful or just ‘I love reading your body, and right now my instincts tell me you need X’; I appreciate those too.

But what I’m craving, what I’m missing in a more emotional way, is slow and intentional…exploring the moments, and then delighting in them when you both now that the pleasure is special. Wanting to make someone you desire and care about feel not just good, but incredible. And knowing that they’re turned on by the confidence that they’re making you feel incredible too.

I’d be happy to share more on why I’m missing that energy - but the short version is that I’m married, not looking to make life changes/committed to being a good partner (though I’m sure some of you will be happy to disabuse me of that opinion - but I hope the right woman will understand how that’s possible), and feeling a lot of stress and sadness from feeling like sex is either an obligation or a task to be squeezed in between other (often more important) commitments despite genuine efforts to find even a bit of this energy at home.

More descriptively, I am 43, 6’2”, handsome, athletic/muscular build, with thick dark hair (black is slowly transitioning to salt and pepper), intelligent, well educated, caring, adventurous and naturally dominant when I know someone I want is excited by bonding and exploring her desires with a man who has very good instincts.

I’m also not sure what I’m likely to find or what I’d consider. I don’t think that the kind of connection I want can be assumed. And though I’m missing the physical connection, I tend to value the mental and the personal connection more - so chatting would be nice as well. If there’s chemistry, there may be adventure. And adventure is what makes my pulse race….as long as it starts slowly