This is a long read, but if nothing else, writing this makes me think hard about my situation. If you can relate to this, let’s talk.

I am a 49 y.o. father of 2 great kids. 5’-10 – 190lbs. white

98% of my life is great. I’ve been married for over 20 years. My SO and I get along fine and enjoy doing things together, but there just isn’t any desire for intimacy on her part. We do the obligatory “once-a-week thing” but it’s always the same. I would say “Vanilla”, but even Vanilla is a flavor! It’s more like “cardboard”. She is just one of those people who are not interested in intimacy. We care for each other and honestly, I think this will help our marriage. It will take some of the pressure off the whole situation. We’ve done the due process and talked through all of it. We are both intelligent people. Things are just not going to change for her and neither of us wants a divorce or all that comes with it. I don’t want to force something on her just to make myself happy, and I don’t want to have this resentment deep down. I do not want to hurt her either. So, here we are…

I don’t want anything to change in any other part of my life. Maybe, I’m selfish, and I want it all, but I give and I give in all aspects of my life. I’m happy when I am doing for others. I fill my days to the brim and wouldn’t have it any other way. I love doing all the things I do. You will see, it’s a lot! People think I’m crazy sometimes for all the crap I do. I won’t be happy unless I’m “going Mach 2 with my hair on fire…” It’s controlled chaos.

I’m not picky about your body type. I want someone who is comfortable in their own skin. We all have insecurities.  I am in decent shape and take pretty good care of myself. I play a sport (redacted to stay more anon) twice a week, but could lose a couple pounds… dadbod, I guess? I have a “farmer tan.” I do not look my age and am told that very frequently. I am friendly and outgoing, and always out to make my friends laugh. I am a social person and have a TON of friends. I don’t really care much about opinions. I get along with everyone because “to each his/her own.”  I am friends with people on all sides of politics, religion, and social classes. I am respectful to all, and I appreciate the differences we all have. We are all lucky to be alive and friendships make it all worthwhile.

Discretion is a must. I am just trying to satisfy a small piece of who I am. That doesn’t mean I am looking for a purely physical relationship. I am looking for a personal connection as well. My SO is not affectionate, we don’t even kiss during our “lovemaking.” It is pretty much just utilitarian. It’s just not the way she shows love. I am told that love and intimacy are just different for men and women, but I’ve had other partners, (not many) and I am pretty sure that I am not off base with my expectations of what a love life should be. I am not the type of person that is going to go to a “sex-worker” – too impersonal. That was recommended to me, but it’s just not what I’m looking for.

I would like to have a person in a similar situation to me, happy for the most part, but just missing that little extra. I want it to be fun and exciting. I’m also not looking to juggle several partners. I want to find a good fit and be done with that part. This process can be grueling at first and I’m not looking to go through it a million times. I will probably just give up if that’s going to be the case. It’s exhausting. I am the type of person that gets shit done. If there’s something on my list, I need to clear it. I want to solve my problem and then just enjoy the solution.

After some initial vetting through online communication, I am imagining a public meet-up, like lunch or drinks. This is easy to do. It just looks like a business meeting. I meet people for work all the time. A casual meet-up at a bar or restaurant is a low stress situation and looks normal to outsiders. There’s no need to force anything that isn’t a good fit. I am not easily offended, so if I am not what you are looking for – that’s all there is to it – I am not an arrogant person. We can still have some therapeutic discussions and then bid each other good luck. I am available most days with planning. November lends itself well to easy meet-ups. It’s my busy time at work and I am out of the house most of the time. Weekends during the rest of the year can be tough. I gave up (redacted weekend activity) to spend more time with my kids and their activities. Evenings are pretty much taken up by that too. I am self-employed and run a couple small businesses. There are busy times, but I have good availability. I prefer talking rather than texting or other forms of written communication (hard evidence) I am out on the road and in a vehicle by myself very often. Obviously, at first, communication will have to be through reddit. I now have Telegram, thanks to someone I was talking to recently that got me familiar with it. All in all, I don’t trust too many of these apps, so I was reluctant. But, I’m good with it now.

So, yeah… long read, but now you know a bit about me. If this all sounds good, reach out. I think you will be surprised with what you get from me.