First time using this subreddit so please forgive me if this is not the right place, I just feel I need to get this all out in writing.

I am a 37 year old man and I was brought up by a single Mum. In England, if it matters.

All of my childhood memories are taken up by mostly bad things, amongst the obvious good/nice times which I don't doubt happened, it is clouded by horribleness. What I am writing won't be in any chronological order, it will just be what I remember as I am typing.

When I was very young, 7 or 8, if I was misbehaving or doing something "naughty" my Mum would always tell me that I am the worst child she knows, that no one else's child behaves like me, why can't I be good. This was followed by her telling me I am making her unwell, getting on her nerves, causing her to have a nervous breakdown. She even began telling me that she had cancer each time I misbehaved, and that the more I was bad, the more sick she would get. If anyone came to the house who I didn't know, like a sales person or something, she would tell me that if I didn't behave, they would take me away and put me in a home and I would never see her again.

I have vivid memories of her ex-fiance, who she moved into our home, kicking me across the floor because I was hungry and screaming for food (I was around 5/6 years old). He used to break my toys and rip magazines up if I was misbehaving because he said I was ungrateful so I didn't deserve them. I also remember on a trip in the car, I was very car sick and began to vomit out of his car window, so he dragged me out of the car and left me in the middle of this country road and just drove off for what felt like a long time, which obviously it wasn't TOO long, but that has sat with me for years.

Most of all, her brother, my Uncle, he would babysit me a lot because he lived at home with his mum, my grandma. This is where most of the physical abuse would happen. Getting beaten for forgetting to pick something up from the store, pulling my baby teeth out when they were loose, telling me that people were going to get me when it was dark and I should be careful. Worst of all, throwing my frail, post-stroke grandma down the stairs because he struggled to get her upstairs to bed.

All of these things, over the course of my very young years into my teenage years, stuck with me, and when I would bring them up to my Mum, she would deny, she would say I need to get over things, it's in the past, what can she do about it, and even just "It's not my fault".

I know parenting doesn't come with a manual, and being a poor working class single parent couldn't have been easy, but I was a child who needed emotional connections, someone to help show me how to be a person, to teach me things. I feel immensely guilty for feeling the way I feel, but it has shaped me and made me who I am today, even affecting how I perceive relationships. I am starting therapy soon to hopefully deal with things, but I suppose my initial reason for this post is, am I being unreasonable feeling this way, or not?