My girlfriend introduced me to the truth of my mom being a narcissist, which I’ve never thought about before in my life . I’m 21 , and the last 5 years of my life staying at home has been a depression hell. My mom has been telling me since I’ve been in high school that I need to get a good job and get my shit together . After every job I started she would say it wasn’t good enough and try to force me to quit or I would be under the threat of getting kicked out . She has constantly put the pressure of being successful on me while at the same time saying I’m worthless and good for nothing . It’s made me so depressed that I feel like I wouldn’t be able to do anything with my life , that I was just an awful person and I was the black sheep of the family . For the past five years I’ve been trying to get her love and yesterday I came to the full realization of what it means . My mom comes home to me and my girlfriend cooking in the house , which was okay with her before and she never had a problem with it . But she started saying I had to leave and that she was done with me not contributing to the household . Now she’s done this plenty of times with me begging her to tell me what I’ve done to deserve it this time , with her usually dismissing me then forgetting she even threatened me . So when she came home and said it , I was already recovering from another meltdown the day before so I was feeling very unstable . I grabbed her and asked why I deserved this , finally I felt like this was really it and I wanted to know why. She was saying she was sick of people not being busy or productive, but I had three off days and my girlfriend who has two jobs was off as well so we shouldn’t have been relaxing. She started smiling the moment I grabbed her and a flood of pure rage came over me . I couldn’t do anything but sit back down and cry . I cried the hardest I ever have , I wondered where all the love went , and if she even loved me in the first place . While I sobbed she asked my girlfriend if I’ve changed , and she ignored her and kept asking over and over . I stood up again , grabbed her and punched her twice . I didn’t mean too but my patience just broke and I couldn’t help it . Afterwards I started packing and she asked me if I was gonna act stupid when I came back , saying I wasn’t being kicked out . I’ve realized she wanted me to act like that , she wanted me to freak out on her . I feel free , I felt bad for hitting her , but I also don’t feel guilt . She made me do it , after poking me over and over again I finally snapped . Now I used to feel guilty for not meeting her needs but now I just feel like none of it matters