I’m an only child (f36) to two elderly parents, I honestly don’t feel like my dad is narcissistic, but my mother definitely is, my father has apologized for most of his behaviors and I can have civil discourse with him. However my mother (f73) has always been pretty awful, she has over the years used me as a makeshift therapist for her childhood and family trauma, she’s embarrassed me over my weight in ways that were not easily recognized by those outside of my family. She’s told me what an awful mother I am, but has never offered actual assistance in helping me become a better mother only offered me to adopt my child to her. She’s repeatedly told me how awful my taste in men is, but yet has also told me no man would ever love a woman like me because of my size and my behavior.

More recently she’s resorting to blaming me when my son has meltdowns she’ll find a reason related to me on why he’s behaving this way, and 98% of what she “calls me out on” is actually a lie my husband and friends have even said this.

I’ve been in serious car accidents and this woman has shown no concern for me but instead asked how much my insurance rates would go up and if the car was totaled.

Now here’s where I feel like I need the advice I have tried to establish boundaries and put space between her and I, but she finds health issues or literally life and death things to reestablish contact, and thereby reestablish her control. I feel guilty because I am their only child and I feel like leaving her alone is an awful thing to do, but this constant narcissism and gaslighting literally has me on the verge of wanting to take my own life. Something she honestly doesn’t think is serious. In fact when I have seriously had this discussion with her that I need boundaries because of my own mental health and that I want to, she has told me I’m “looking for attention, and if I was serious I should just do it.”

How do I break from my mother?
How do I stop this cycle?