So this has been a long time coming and is a somewhat complicated situation but ill try to keep it relatively brief. I (35 trans female) decided to go no contact with my nMom yesterday after a huge blowout following a long series of truly insane events over the past couple years. For some context, my mom is 66 and disabled (has MS, was diagnosed in her early 20s). Shes basically been sick all her life. She is also a narcissist, abuser, and manipulator. I could fill a novel about aome of the horrible things she put me through as a kid, my partner often says i should have been taken away by cps. Anyway, fastforward to a couple years ago. Her health got to the ppont where she couldnt live alone anymore so my partner and i had her move in with us so i could take care of her. It was obviously a disaster. Ill spare the gross and gory details but it was very hard on my marriage and also strained my already strained relationship with her. We eventually decided she needed to go into an assisted living facility. Shes been there for about a year. Ive since eased contact a bit, not visiting much and not calling as much. About a week or so ago, she got covid and was hospitalized. Shes okay but has to be in rehab because she was bedridden. She got extremely mad at me for not going to visit her. Partially i didnt because she had covid and i cant afford to get sick, but also i just couldnt take off work. She loves about an hour and a half from me. Im also very broke (because of the financial mess she left us in) and cant even afford the gas it would cost to get there right now. She blew up at me, saying i dont care what happens to her, saying how shell never forgive me, making up lies saying i promised to come visit, said horrible things about my partner, deadnamed me repeatedly (im trans), etc etc. After we hung up i blocked her number and have decided to go no contact, at least for a good while. To further complicate everything, im her power of attourney and used to be in charge of her financially, but my narc/absuive aunt (already no contact with her and my whole fam since they disowned me) basically circumvented all that and removed me from being financially involved, which is fine, i dont want the responsibility. Anyway, im feeling guilty because shes still in this rehab facility and im not gonna talk to her anymore or help her (she has 6 siblings who all live nearby and can help) but yeah i just keep hearing her words rolling around in my head, making me feel like a horrible person. And also anxious because my dad (also a narc and abuser, but theyve been divorced since i was 3) has been getting involved and berating me for not helping my mom. Im gonna stick to my guns here but i am just so high strung and sick with grief and guilt and idk how to process all this. Anyone been thru something similar? Howd you deal with it? Sorry for the wall of text!