I know we all disliked Sam for her many blow ups and nasty behavior towards Joe, and I’m also glad to see Joe still trying to be the positive one even on this forum. So I’m not going to comment on her outbursts in the episode in respect for Joe.

However, as a lesbian I really needed to comment on a term Sam used in the first few minutes of the show. As you can deduce from her wording, “gold star lesbian” means she has never slept with/touched a man. Basically she knew from an early age that she was gay and never had a boyfriend. It sounds innocent enough, but in the lesbian community this is a really derogatory and hurtful term.

Why? It’s typically used by lesbians who consider themselves “better” than other lesbians because they never touched a man. A lot, and I mean a lot of gay women struggle incessantly with their sexuality — not because they aren’t sure if they really like women, but because a lot of girls grow up being fed heteronormativity to the point that they’re convinced finding women attractive is normal and doesn’t mean they’re gay. There’s also many, many women who come out as lesbians later in life. There’s even a whole subreddit on here dedicated to women coming out when they’re older! The point is, a very large percentage of gay women have been in relationships with men, had sex with men, kissed men, etc before coming out due to societal pressures or internal struggles. Even gay men do it as well! They are still gay, they still identify as gay, and they are not “less gay” or inferior in any way just because of who they have slept with in the past. When older women who finally come out to themselves try to join the lesbian community and they are met with this type of rhetoric, it can make them feel more unwanted than they did in the straight community where they didn’t belong. A lot of lesbian women identify as bisexual before coming out as gay. Sometimes one’s own sexuality is known from childhood, and sometimes it doesn’t make sense even well into adulthood. Everyone is different.

The term gold star lesbian in wlw circles is a very cruel put down and only serves to make the person who described themselves as such feel “superior” or that lesbians who have been with men in the past are “less than” than the gold stars. It really shocked me as a lesbian, excited to see another lesbian on the show, to see Sam come right out of the gate with that sort of stuff.

I don’t know if Sam reads this sub, but if you do Sam, please understand why this term can be harmful towards women in your community. Don’t put down people to make yourself feel superior. I know in the end this was a very minor line in a sea of outbursts from Sam, but as a fellow gay women I couldn’t get it out of my head.

(Side note to Joe if you are reading this — you rock bud! I hope to see you on the show again some day!!)