So after a very, very long drought my partner and I engaged in some sexual activity the other day. No penetration, no oral, no fingering, just through the use of a vibrator. It was pretty decent and I’m just happy that we’re trying to work on our sex life.

We’ve been talking about things we want to try and one of the ones she’s really interested in is me being more dominant with her. Now, I really really wish this wasn’t the case but I am 100% a sub. I’ve enjoyed BDSM in my relationships but I’ve always been the sub - regardless of whether my partner was a man or a woman. I’ve tried to be more dominant a handful of times but it’s really just not my thing and it actively turns me off. I realize this is a pretty rigid standard. She wants me to use handcuffs on her and be a bit “rough” with her. I told her I’m willing to try but just the thought is enough to put me out of any sexy mood.

She’s okay being the dominant one here and there but now that she’s transitioning she wants a “give and take” where we each take turns being the sub. She’s perfectly within her rights to want this and it makes sense since she says she’s a switch now.

I genuinely want to try. I really don’t want to be so rigid in what I like. But for the life of me I don’t know how to change it. Any tips?