I love my partner. I genuinely can’t imagine my life without her in it. She knows me so well and can always cheer me up and make me laugh even when I’m in a horrible mood. She has a lot of obstacles to overcome given her chosen profession (very conservative) and none of that has halted her decision to transition. I’m not sure I could be that brave. I’m proud of her.

But we’re roommates. Roommates who cuddle and hold hands and occasionally kiss a bit. But roommates nonetheless. We’ll have a great day and I’ll still find myself tearing up at night missing what it felt like to be actively lusted after and to feel that passion in the relationship. When we started out (years before her transition) we were all over each other and we were just drawn to each other.

Now, she’s so happy with the changes HRT has produced and I’m happy for her. But god do I miss being a sexual partner. We’ve tried being intimate 2 times since she’s come out and both were okayish but that doesn’t seem to be an option for us right now. She was understandably hurt when I told her I was struggling with my attraction to her but her reaction was essentially that there’s no way she could feel comfortable engaging in any intimate activity with me now.

And I suppose I can’t blame her for feeling that way. But I’m just not sure how long I can do this for.