My partner came out to me (cis F) as trans pretty recently. Less than a week after she had told me (and after some very emotional conversations) I told her I was going to stay with my parents for a while. I did feel bad about leaving her in such a vulnerable time but my exams weren’t done and I was such a mess emotionally that I really felt it would be worse if I stayed.

She’s been wanting me to come back and says she sort of feels I abandoned her in our apartment. I’m set to come back in less than a month but honestly...I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I’m finishing up grad school and then I’m taking a major exam that I have to study for for months. I’m also currently beginning to job hunt. I’m dealing with anxiety and what I think may be a depressive state.

I don’t feel like I’ll be a positive energy for her. She wants us to be girlfriends and cook and spend time together. I’m still thinking that I’m honestly not sure I want to have to deal with months of uncertainty and (likely) unhappiness from the realities of transitioning - entire new change of career, dealing with family, puberty pt. 2. I want her to live the life she wants and I have never ever discouraged her from transitioning. But I’m so emotionally drained right now. And to make it worse, I feel like I can’t be honest with her or she instantly feels “uncomfortable” and doesn’t like what I’m saying.

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this honestly. I’m just so frustrated and maybe a little upset that she just wants us to be girlfriends as if there’s nothing major to discuss. I don’t blame her for being very focused on her looks right now because I get that she’s just starting out. But I still think that we need to talk about what the hell she’s gonna do for employment!! It’s like she’s in a bubble, blocking out reality.

And of course there’s the fun fact that I’m simply not attracted to the new style she has and she’s been (understandably) asking for reassurance on whether I’m attracted to her or not and I say yes because I can’t bear to hurt her feelings more.

I know this is so awful to say but god do I wish she would’ve learned this about herself when we had only dated a month or two. It would’ve been so much easier to just remain friends.