So my (cis F) partner (he is still using he/him pronouns for now ) only came out to me as MTF a week or so ago. He first talked about possibly being non-binary. Then he said that felt like the easy way out and that no he was pretty certain he was a trans woman. He said he wanted to try stuff and see what felt right. I know I have no control over my partner’s transitioning timeline but I guess I expected this to go....slower? He says he came to this realization about a month or so ago. The day after he came out to me he bought some new clothes. Then he shaved all his body hair (he had a long thick beard). Then he started wearing makeup. He’s started voice feminization techniques. He’s thinking about how to come out to his family soon. He’s thinking of an entirely new career path. Now he’s talking about how much he wants hormones and how he’s trying to restrain himself to not go and do that right now.

And I understand how exciting this must be for him. I understand that he’s closer to what he sees himself as than ever before. But I feel like I’m being left in the dust here. I encouraged him to do what felt right but inside I’m feeling like I can’t keep up.

I’m speaking to my therapist about all this so I guess this is more of a rant. I thought maybe this would go slower and he’d realize he didn’t even need HRT. I feel like a monster just saying that. I want him to be happy. I know he’s happier now than he was just a couple days ago.

But God I miss my boyfriend so bad. And I really wish I didn’t.