My (cis male) partner (non-binary) recently told me that a source of a lot of their hurt in our relationship is that I "pick my privilege" over them time and time again. In the past I've tried to assuage the issue by being transparent about what I wanted to do (such as hang out with some friends of mine they don't get along with [I don't get to declare if my friends are transphobic or not, but they've always been very respectful to me in private of my partner's pronouns and gender identity]).

In the past month I've:

• Quit my job because they felt as though they'd been mistreated by my workplace (a local theater) and that they couldn't morally handle sleeping next to someone who continued to work there because my boss is shitty and misgenders them frequently (which I correct and try to advocate by didn't work) and a few disputes where the larger workplace sided with a cis person over my partner
• Turned down a housing opportunity a friend offered me because my partner and this cis friend has drifted apart and my partner felt hurt that the other person never tried to repair the friendship (I wasn't able to afford another housing situation so I'm living with my parents now)
• Cut a lot of cis people out of my life who I was good friends with, but my partner doesn't like for a variety of reasons I don't wholly agree with — but to disagree with them is to place my privilege over them, so I take their word in good faith.

I feel angry that I don't get to have these things in my life anymore. I see other people of various gender identities enjoying these friends and patroning the workplace, and my partner isn't criticizing them for doing such. Then I feel guilty for being angry because I'm doing exactly what they accused me of and proving to be no more than another shitty cis dude. And I feel like I have no one to talk to about it because if I talk to any of my old friends then I'm actively shitting on a trans person, and if I'm asking a trans person then I'm trying to force them to empathize with a cis person, and if I talk to them about how I feel they start to feel guilty and shut down and then I feel the need to take care of them because I hate hate hate hurting them. I just don't know what to do. I feel really alone and isolated but like — I'm just some fuckin' shitty cis guy, y'know? It feels like what I should do if I was actually a good person is shoulder this pain and loneliness and understand it's NOTHING compared to what my partner goes through. IDK. I'm just scared and bitter that I don't even get to mourn the loss of the joy those things brought me because I'm just "prioritizing my privelege" over being a good person again.

Has anyone else felt this way? Is there anything that helped in shifting your perspective or ways that you were able to form new, positive friendships your partners felt comfortable with?