My emotions are just all over the place. My girlfriend started HRT, and we celebrated that. I'm genuinely happy for her, because, honestly, she looks radiant (side effect of HRT or just because she's finally feeling good about herself?) And I just want her to be happy.

But then when it's 2am, and I'm lying here, alone, at night, I can't help but think about this. I feel like I'm still grieving with the loss of the man of my dreams. How it feels like he was just ripped out of my life and replaced with someone else. Now that's she's started HRT, it's like he's gone forever and I never even got a chance to say good bye. Is it crazy that I think this?

I'm scared that she'll have to face even more hardships in the future, how we will possibly face discrimination, and so many other things.

It's not like this every night, maybe max once a week, but when I start thinking about these things, God, it feels like my world is falling apart. Sometimes I can just cry myself to sleep and be fine the next morning. Sometimes it gets really bad, and I start having bad thoughts, and I feel like I'm losing control. I should add that I have a lot going on right now, and I'm always stressed out.

God, I just don't know what to do right now.