About a week and a half ago I posted about how my fiancé, after multiple trips to the voluntary psych hospitals, finally made an attempt at suicide. This was a week or so after we’d already began discussing if we were right for each other long term and I’d told her I felt she may be happier with someone else for various reasons including our large age gap and that she needs to take time away and go to her grandmas out in the country and just heal for a bit and focus on her health.

After a lot of heartbreak, crying, and deep thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that we MUST separate. We’ve discussed it together and agree.

She has lost control over her mental health and I can’t trust her with my little girls (elementary age), given how off the rails she’s become (progressively worse over several months, even with doctors and in-patient help) I don’t trust her to not do something while I’m asleep and have my girls walk in on her deceased, or even go as far as a murder-suicide. I’m a first responder, I’ve seen the possibilities in person.

I know that she’s a good person. I truly love her. Healthy her wouldn’t harm anyone in anyway outside of self defense or to defend someone else. But I just can’t risk it. I hate this. Having been by her side for her physical recovery from injuries and illness over the last year and a half and everything else we’ve been through with her transitional growth and maturity, I don’t WANT to do this.

I’ve spoke to her mother and she understands and supports me. Ex-Fiancé and I agree that we want to be remain friends and I’ve promised to still be her cheerleader and support her as she moves out on her own and re-enters the workplace soon (she’s ready physically). She’s even asked if once she stable again if she could come pick up my girls for a girls day and get their nails done as she truly loves them and I told her of course as long as she’s healthy and following her doctors plan and give it some time.

I’ve offered help financially, no rush on moving out, letting her keep the car I just bought her and promising to help her deck out her new place. I’ve told her I still love her and nothing changes that. She’s said the same and understands. She even agrees that she very may be happier with someone more her type and younger as I’ve suggested.

But I still feel like an asshole. Am I? I’m I making the right call?

(Either way, thank you all for welcoming me into your group. Hopefully I’ve been able to help a few folks out too with my comments.