We’re all well acquainted with a quick jerk off sesh.

You get comfortable, grab some lotion, open up incognito mode on your browser. You know the deal. Now, I’m a firm believer in the health benefits of clearing the pipes...my problem though is that I never seemed to be fully satisfied. Sure, I would have an orgasm and get on with my day, but was I particularly fulfilled by this approach? No.

I was so unsatisfied, that I kid you not I’ve even jerked off ten times in one day. I don’t know how healthy it was, but it certainly wasn’t productive lol This ended up carrying over into my sex life as well. I wasn’t lasting as long as I wanted to, but also, paradoxically, it wasn’t feeling that great either. Being desensitized might have had something to do with it (hopefully, I’ll be making a whole other post on porn in a few weeks.)

After I got into tantra, I realized what was missing: I needed to incorporate these elements outside of partnered sex as well. I tried to change my perspective to that of masturbation being an act of self-focused pleasure. Thus began a new-found ceremony in turning myself on.

I learned how to touch my whole body.

I massaged it with coconut oil and treated myself with the care and focus I would someone else. I even tried to be kind of playful, the way I am with partners. Tease myself, attempt to surprise myself. It sounds really weird writing it out like this but it taught me things I never knew about my own sexuality.

Things changed from happening in short, result-driven, bursts, into full productions that would last around an hour-- sometimes even two. I felt pleasured and stimulated on more than just a physical level.

And, wouldn’t ya know it, sex ended up being a lot more enjoyable when I started getting off mindfully. I eventually realized that masturbation shouldn’t be the default go-to when my dick is hard. I let it become a completely stand-alone sexual experience, one which I began intentionally and not just ‘cuz. It helps to think about it like this:

You can eat McDonalds to satisfy hunger quickly, right, but isn’t it more satisfying to have a full home-cooked meal?

Change your perspective from filling a need to giving yourself something exceptional & nourishing.

I really wanna emphasize that we are still human; not every sexual act between yourself or others will always be perfect. Sometimes having a little quickie is exactly what you need. It doesn’t always have to be a full affair, but it’s important to have the skills to make it one when you want to.

I wrote this for men in mind, but hey ladies, if you find use from it-- more power to ya.

Also, one last thing...remove guilt from the equation when talking about masturbation. Go with the flow, listen to your desires and create actions with intention.

If you want more information on the specifics of tantra, feel free to shoot me a DM or leave a comment. I’ve been practicing and teaching others these skills for the last 6 years.

Happy masturbating!

P.S. Someone ought to write the book “Everybody Wanks”. You eat when you’re hungry & sleep when you’re tired because listening to your body is to what healthy people do