i am 17f and my mom died on april 3rd of this year. i’ve lived with my aunt since i was 5 because my mom and dad made some bad choices but my mom always lived close and at one point lived with me at my aunts house, anyways long story short me and my aunt don’t get along never have and never will she’s insanely toxic to me she’s always favored my older brother and pushed me aside intensely it’s actually most people in my family that favor my brother everytime someone talks to me it’s to ask about my brother it’s always about him but my mom always had my side she never favored him like everyone else did and she was the only one who listened and believed me when i would talk about how my aunt treats me. Id call her after every fight with my aunt and just rant for hours and i’ve realized no one cares about your stupid rants more then your mom. i told her everything like EVERYTHING she was my actual bestfriend and the only person to ever take my side and i just miss her a lot there’s a lot that’s happened that i just want to rant to my mom about. i lived my entire life with intense fear of losing my mom and bad separation anxiety like i didn’t have sleepovers or hangout with friends much because i wanted to be with my mom as much as i could incase anything ever happened i was trying to avoid having guilt or regret when she did pass because it was like my worst fear so id say i love you like 20 times everytime i said bye to her just to make sure and i’ve been doing this since as long as i remember but in march i got super sick like in the hospital lost 50lbs type of sick so i was unable to see her and i barely could talk to her on the phone because i was just to sick but one day i felt good enough to go to her house so i did and i ended up leaving super fast because i started feeling sick again she has surgery the next day and was nervous about it and i was to busy thinking of myself to even comfort her she ended up having the surgery and came home then died about 3 days later but the thing is i never called and asked how it went because i was so sick myself i wasn’t thinking so i feel so much guilt like i should’ve stayed longer that day i should’ve called her sorry this is so messy