Hi everyone.

I am 44 and from Belgium. I lost my mom in February 2024. She was 73. We were incredibly close as we lived together, and for the past 10 years I had been her caretaker whenever she'd had some health issues.

My mom was supposed to have back surgery but to make a long story short had a heart issue 2 days before the surgery (she was at the hospital). She was revived and 24h later put into an artificial coma to give her a chance. Unfortunately her organs started shutting down and we had to let her go 10 days later. I was able to see her the day it happened while she was in ICU. She was intubated but awake. So we never got to speak to each other again. She just looked so scared and managed to make herself understood asking if the surgery would still take place.

I feel like even though it'd been a year, I still struggle so much. I am so mad that Covid happened and robbed her of almost 3 years of her life. I keep thinking she could have had this surgery earlier and her heart wouldn't have suffered so much because of the pain... in the end it's heart failure that got her. She was such a strong woman. She lost her own mom when she was around my age. My grandma had been in the hospital for a year because of cancer and she had to let her go too. I was 12 at the time. I remember her telling me how hard it was to take this decision... and now I had to do the same. It just scares me how history repeated itself.

I just miss her so much. I still have my dad but it's obviously not the same relationship. I just feel really lost sometimes. She was the one who truly understood me.