Hello, new to this sub. I guess some would say I was lucky growing up. I had a mom who I didn't live with. She was in another state and my parents divorce was not a nice one. I also had a stepmother that raised me as her own. Pretty cool right? My mom was diagnosed in 2002 at age 44 with a brain tumor. She previously beat ovarian cancer, so they started her on chemo in November. She passed away April of 2003. My daughter had just turned 1. My stepmother overdosed in Oct 2006. In 3 years I lost both of them. I was a single mom with a 4 year old and no clue what to do or who to turn to. For months I would reach for the phone to call either one if I had a question or something the baby did anything. My thought would be" I gotta call mom" It's been 20 years and while it does get easier. You get used to living without them but the longing for them doesn't. I have remains of both and I talk to them as I clean or walk through the house. Most days are great, as bad as it is to say, some days, I don't think about them, or realize they aren't here. Other days, something out of nowhere will stop me dead in my tracks and the memories and emotions come flooding back like it was yesterday. Usually I can be sad but grateful for the memories and choke back the tears. Others, I am so consumed with it, I turn into the little girl again curled up on the floor screaming and crying for my mom. I didn't have another mother type figure until my MIL. She great, I love her too death. She always tells me I can come to her like I would've my moms but it doesn't feel right. I don't have the sense of calm after like I did when I'd run to them with my problems. She gives good advice and I know she loves me like her daughter. It's just not my moms. I hope that made sense.

I feel for each one of you. Our stories are all different and some just recently had to experience this while others have had a lot more time to heal. I think we all have a common bond and offer to anyone who needs a shoulder, please reach out to me. I don't have all the answers,or even good ones at that, but I listen and that's what I needed then and still do now.