My husband (30M) and I (27F) have been married for 2 years dating for 3 year before that. His mother (53F) has always been an annoyance to me. Very overbearing and trying to be my bff despite attempting to put up boundaries respectfully.

I tried to go for the friends attempt for the first year however I have given up because she has pushed and pushed and I just dont have the energy anymore to continue to reset boundaries every single time I speak with her.

Slight backstory before I get into the real issue. 1 year into dating my husband. He was still living with his parents( in a rental) His step father was offered a job in a different country and told DH to find a roommate for the end of August that year. We discussed and it was perfect timing as my lease was up end of July. So I move in and live with them for a month until they were supposed to move to the states. And then things come up (they are horrible at planning) and they end up being in the house for 6 more months. This is where the issues really start.

I went from living alone which I loved. To living my bf’s parent whom I hate. His mother breaks almost every boundary. Including going through his phone and finding a video of us having sex and asks us in a joking/teasing way about it at dinner. She raised them as friends not as a parent and now is expecting her adult children to still be her best friend neither of her children appreciate this so she has a very poor reaction when they don’t treat her as a buddy. IE they don’t want to joke and chat about their private intimate lives with their mother.

Since then they have officially moved out. After leaving all of their crap in our house and making my husband pack allllll of their stuff like 30 boxes of things which I despise them for. It almost broke us up that we were spending at least 1 day a week packing all of their stuff cause they couldn’t be bothered. Every time they come to visit they fill our fridge with things we don’t eat (we are vegan they are not) and when we tell them to please not they say oh but we bought and dont want it to go bad. Which unfortunately we have to eventually throw out because it goes bad.

Because this used to be their home they still try to act like it is their home. On their last visit they checked the mail without asking and found a letter from the doctor with MY test results in it and opened it to “make sure everything was okay”. We asked MIL to please not work from home from the living room we offered DHs office to her, to which she cried and cried and said DH hates her and there’s no point coming to visit if she can’t work in the living room. She listened to the boundary for a day and went back to normal afterwards. She is a virtual receptionist so she takes and makes calls all day which makes our living room unusable. I was cleaning their room after the last stay and found a moldy smoothie cup under their bed and disgusting black footprints marks on the window/window sill. And I have officially reached my limit. Not only do they ignore boundaries but are simply just rude people.

I’ve now decided to go low contact by no longer communicating through text and I’ve unadded on social media. (She has requested to follow me 3 times since). It is really difficult for DH because she always cries saying “I’ve never been mean to her I’ve always been nice” but she doesn’t see all the other bs that she does that is incredibly hurtful. He has told her so many times what’s she’s done to hurt me and him but she doesn’t get it. I don’t have the energy anymore to keep a smile on my face to my husband or her. I can feel the resentment slowly boiling over. I don’t know how to make her see everything that she does is hurtful and rude. And how do I maybe start to see the boundaries of they are no longer invited as guests in our home?