I posted a couple days ago about me (30F) and my partner (39M) in the nonmonogamy subreddit. Basically, my partner was ENM since he was 18, and his last partner, with whom he was in an open relationship for 10 years, eventually left him to marry and be monogamous with one of her partners. This killed him. I never suggested monogamy with him, though, and when we started dating we were openly dating others for about a year until we got more serious.

Then, I decided I wanted to be monogamous with him. I felt I couldn't be as vulnerable in the relationship knowing he was seeing other people. I felt that I wanted to share this special attention, my intimacies, my body, and my full heart with him only, and I wanted that in return so that we could build something together.

He agreed, surprisingly, and now it almost seems like he's questioning his ENM past. He finds value in the monogamy, and I feel I've never been this vulnerable and honest and in love with someone. This isn't to say that a couple years down the road we won't have issues, or that we won't want to be with other people, or, hell, maybe we'll even have a side thing here or there. It will be challenging, but I really want this guy to have a good life.

And I'm so happy that we're both fulfilled by this choice to be monogamous. By choosing someone. By committing. It feels like we are going deeper and deeper and deeper. It's making me realize that before, I sort of just filled all my dissatisfactions in my life with dates and romance and sex instead of fixing the actual things with which I was dissatisfied. For example: I want to finish writing my book. I want more money. I want to gain some muscle. And for the first time, I am staring those things all in the face, feeling the fear I have of admitting I have to pull my socks up and do some hard work, and it's because I am not distracting myself with all this attention I could get from whatever man whenever I wanted. If that makes sense.

And by staring all those things in the face, and starting to do the work, my self-esteem has increased, which makes my life with my partner even that much better.

I love him. I love choosing monogamy. I love this one man. And I love that it's a choice, rather than a compulsion. I had a huge crush on this guy just recently and it felt so right to say to him, hey, listen, we have to put our friendship to rest. I am committed to my partner and this doesn't feel right in my stomach.

In the past, he'd just become another partner of mine. Turning it down felt new and wonderful and like I really was making a choice, and choosing the man who is making my life better in all the ways, not just the sex and love and romance way.

Also, I find that our dom/sub relationship is on fucking fire because we have each other so completely. It's amazing.

I didn't know this subreddit existed, and I'm happy I found it. I'd love to hear if anyone has an experience similar to mine!